When we hear the word “strong,” usually the first thing that
pops into our minds is someone with muscles on-top of muscles and not only does
that specter of your imagination don 6 pack abs, but Babs (Back abs…thank you
Scooby Doo Mystery Incorporated for the reference). Yes, by definition this would define strong
but I want to dig deeper into its meaning.
The definition of strong
in the Webster Dictionary is as follows: not easy to break or damage. We all have a complete understanding of the
first definition of the word, but I want to delve more into how I can impart
this to my offspring.
Over 9 years ago, I gave birth to my oldest daughter
Sienna. Saying that moment changed
everything would be an understatement. Any
mom knows the indescribable feeling of having their child placed in their arms for
the first time. They are bigger than
your life, and from that moment on they are your life. When Sienna was 6 months old, my husband and
I went mountain biking with our good friend, “Dan the Man.” At the time, Dan was married without children
or what I like to refer to as a DINK (Double Income No Kids). We hit the top of the hill climb and chatted
for a while catching up on things. He asked
both my husband and I, “What is it like having a baby?” I remember my answer
came without hesitation, “Put it this way Dan, if Sienna couldn’t walk I would
give her my legs knowing that I would never run or walk again.” As moms, we
strive every day to give our children every opportunity and experience with the
goal of molding them into “strong” adults.
When I found out I was having a baby girl, I was intimidated. When I found out my second child was going to
be girl I was absolutely frightened. I grew up in a family with 4 children. Three boys and I happened to be the estrogen
toting caboose. Growing up I idolized my
brothers and wanted to do everything they did… but I wanted to do it better. Everyone I know that is an only girl in a boy
family seems to have the same feisty personality as myself. I would refer to it as “Survival of the Fittest”
in our house growing up. If you wanted
seconds at dinner time, you would have to out eat and out fight the others. Everything
to me became a competition. If I wanted
to ski with my brothers, I had to keep up.
If they skied off a 25 foot cliff, so did I. To say that I was a “Tomboy”
would be an understatement. For example,
one of the biggest fights I had with my parents was in middle school when they wouldn’t
let me try out for the wrestling team (looking back I appreciate my parents
holding their ground on that one). A good friend nailed my persona when she
said, “You are a Chick-Dude.” That does not mean that I am Bruce Jenner, but a
chick that’s personality is more like a guys.
I get guys, they are simple so when I found out I was going to have two
girls I was shocked. I always imagined having
a house full of boys that I could rough house with. I was intimated because I felt inadequate
teaching my girls how to become a “strong women.”
As the years pass, I have continually struggled looking at
other moms and their mad mom skills. Let’s
be honest: I do not sew, I am not crafty, I hate going to the mall (I would
pick anything outdoors over the mall any day) and I always look like I just worked
out. It took me years to realize that my
lack of self-confidence of having the same skills set as others would rub off
on my girls. Through my episodes of
self-doubt I realized if I wasn’t open to trying new things and lacked confidence,
my children would grow up with the same struggles. Even though we at times don’t want to expect
the fact, our offspring will mirror our behaviors. Nothing stops me in my tracks more than when
I see the same behavior (not always for the better) manifesting itself in one
of my children. I had to stop comparing
myself to every other mom and look at what I can and want to teach my
children. I had to open my eyes to see
that I have my own unique skill set that I could teach my kiddos. All of this was based around the desire that I
want my children to be confident, well rounded, and not easy to break, “strong!”
As much as I hate to admit it (or maybe it is because I don’t
have teenagers yet), our children will grow up to be adults and one day leave
the nest. I would like nothing more
than to protect them from every hard thing in their life’s….but I can’t. I know there will be heart break along the
way. I know they will not be unbroken,
but I want to teach them that when they fall they are “strong” enough to get up
every time. There will be trials faced, and lessons learned at home that will
help them stand back up. During the Sochi Winter Olympics, P&G aired the
following commercial that evokes this emotion and desire.
For our children to be “strong,” we need to start with ourselves. This mantra doesn’t give you the excuse to
spend every waking minute on yourself, but remember it is critical to take a
little time out to develop our own strengths.
Learn what it means to YOU to be “strong.” I am always encouraging
readers to get outside of their comfort zones.
Do it! Show your children you are willing to do things outside of your current
skill set. This is not just for those
moms that have girls. This applies also for
moms that have boys too. You want to be
an example of what your boys should look for in a woman. Getting outside of your comfort zone means
doing things you may not enjoy or may even loath, but try it! The funny thing about it is you might just
like it. For example, if you hate camping and never take your children, they
will hate it too. If we constantly turn away from the things we don’t like or
make us uncomfortable, what does that teach our children? Why is it that little kids love to ride bikes
and play outside but at a certain age it is turned off and that door
shuts? Be that mom that not only crafts
with your children, but takes them for a bike ride. For me, the Chick-Dude, I have had to get out
of my comfort zone and spend time at the mall with my girls as well as a many
other “chick” activities that are not my cup of tea…why, because I want them to
experience all that life has to offer, and not just my bag of tricks. Are these my favorite things? No, but I do it because I want them to see me doing
things outside of my comfort zone. What’s
the goal? To open their eyes to see everything the world has to offer, thus
helping them choose their path in life.
I am not saying that going camping and crafting will make a “strong”
adult but it will give them the confidence to roll with the punches that life will
surely hand them. My hope is, when life
asks them to step outside of their comfort zone, they will be up to the task. Michael Jordan said, “My mother is my root, my foundation. She planted the seed
that I base my life on, and that is the belief that the ability to achieve
starts in your mind.” As strong mothers lets be that root!
How are you going to make yourself
“stronger” in 2016? Let’s plant the seed
and watch it grow!
Please follow me on Instagram at
fit_momtherapy
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